I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
