I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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