i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
