Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
