I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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