Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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