ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
