her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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