PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
