thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
false alarm, still single
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
