my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
