My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
