when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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