Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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