Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
