and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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