you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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