The best revenge is premature balding
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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