Tell her she can't have a vagina
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
