The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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