508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
