The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
