I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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