i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
