this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I didn't notice because vodka
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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