Is it because I queefed?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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