why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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