My first STD was from a foam party
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
