i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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