so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
