my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
3 2 1 whiskey
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
