I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
