dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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