I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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