i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
