definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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