finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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