I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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