we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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