Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
