You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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