They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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