just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
