you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
