The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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