I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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