he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
