You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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