we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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