so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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