Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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