I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
