We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
