Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
