no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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