i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
