Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
