don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Operation Purity has been aborted
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
