yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
