do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
