he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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