Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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