I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize