Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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