So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
